Sunday, April 24, 2011

So my kids have the hardest time with light in their eyes!  Can you tell?  This seems to be my battle EVERY Easter, I want so badly to get a picture of them in their darling outfits and perfect hair.  But this is ALWAYS what I end up getting, them freaking out cause it's "too bright."  It was perfectly overcast, and I thought I had a chance, but nope.  It was the same complaint... "too bright."  This was the best I could do.  ERRRrrr... the battle continues.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


So I may not be keeping up on my 365 day blog perfectly, but I'm trying.  On some of the days I have a really hard time picking JUST ONE picture for my 365, so here I go again, posting some others from last night.  After their bath, Jett was hilarious with his hair.  After I walked away, I heard him making boy noises as if he were a super hero.  He is a crack up.  The bath experience carried on into today.  This morning while I was down doing laundry, I knew Brooke and Jett had gotten some small toys and were playing with them in the water in the sink.  But that exploded into a full on water fight and laughter to make anyone smile.  I ran upstairs with frustration, knowing they were making a mess by this point, but by the time I got to the bathroom door, I was laughing to myself.  I could hear nothing but laughter and belly giggling.  I stood there listening and smiling for at least twenty minutes while they continued on with their water game.  When I finally opened the door, I found two totally soaked naked kids having the time of their lives!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

An addition...

to my 365 blog... today, Brooke was my subject.  I was trying out the light in my front room.  I wanted to know how much northern light there was if I moved the couch and the curtains out of the way.  I want to be prepared for lots of pictures of this perfect little boy who's on his way.  Brooke was adorable and there are a few shots I wanted to remember.  She's a crack up!  And dang it, she's almost four, but thankfully LOVES snuggling me like shes 6 weeks old.  I'm so lucky that way!

Friday, April 1, 2011

My thoughts here in the hospital

I write this down as my way to remember these last few days. It's certainly a moment in my life that has changed the way I act, feel and hopefully in the end treat others.  So to explain.. several days ago, I felt pain in the back of my right knee. It hurt to bend down as if my ligament was going to pop or something.  I let it go, hoping it was just a weird pain connected to being prego. I remember then my calf getting tight as if I had worked it out at the gym for hours.  It felt sore in that way.  I kept walking on it hoping to stretch it out, keep it warm and thinking it would go away, just as soreness does when you work out. It didn't. On Tuesday night, I woke up at 3am in excruciating pain. I sat up wanting to run to get Extra Strength Tylenol (that being the only pain medicine I can take pregnant).  I got up and half way down the hall stopped in the bathroom, held myself up with the counter afraid I was going to throw up, the pain was so bad. I managed to make it down stairs, get the tylenol and climb back in bed.  I prayed that the tylenol would ease the pain til morning when I could call the doctor.  I managed to fall back to sleep.  In the morning, when I arose, I jumped on the computer looking for answers to what was wrong.  Leg cramps seemed to be a common answer amongst pregnant women and pregnancy websites.  I read others ways to treat were extra amounts of water, milk for the calcium and stretching or massaging the legs. Then at the very bottom of one website, it said, "but if the pain persists, it may be the sign of a blood clot and to call your doctor."  When I read that, I knew. The pain behind my knee had not lessened and my calf seemed even more tight than it did days ago. I called my doctor only to find out she wasn't in on Wednesdays and neither was her nurse. I left a message, knowing it might not be until morning when I heard back.  I went about my day.  My mother in law arrived in town and was planning to spend the day with us and the kids. It was our day out of the week she had planned. I felt obligated to shower and show her and the kids a good time.  I limped around, going to visit a sister in law and then onto Ross for some shopping.  It wasn't horrible but I found myself in a lot of pain at the end. Around 5:00pm we decided to meet up with a brother in law and some cousins at Chick-fil-et. It was then I received a late phone call from the genetics counselor with my final results of my integrated screening.  I sent the kids and mother in law in to eat while I listened to the results.  My leg aching and a migraine headache taking its course had my arm numb at the time of the call.  I was a mess physically and now emotionally. The results came back that there was now a 1 in 2 chance that this baby had Downs syndrome. It was absolute devastation, we're talking 50/50 like is it a boy or a girl. The chances suddenly the most scary thing I had ever heard in my whole life.  I sat there alone, sick, and in pain. I got off the phone and let out a cry like no other time in my life. I begged for comfort from the Lord to get me through this hour.  In a matter of moments, a call came in from my actual doctors office having just received the same results, they were calling to talk to me on a more personal level. They knew me, they knew my situation, and thank goodness for that call. Cindy's voice was the most comforting thing to hear in that moment.  She talked to me about the results, and then noticed that I had called in earlier in the day with leg cramps. She asked me, "Steph, I see a note here, you have leg cramps?" I explained how it had become more than just cramps and the reason for the call was because I read online the possibility of blood clots. I mentioned that it was a red flag for me knowing my sister had a pulmunary embolism when she was pregnant last. She asked the doctor on call and relayed what I had said. The doctor on call told me to immediately go to the emergency room and tell them to do an ultrasound on my leg.  I did just that.  It could not have been a better situation. My mother in law drove me and the kids home.  My mom who was on her way home from work at the time, stopped at my house and was able to drive me up to LDS hospital where my husband later met me.  Knowing the results of my screening, I knew I wanted to do an amnio to determine definitely if the baby was Downs or not. I could not receive those odds and not take the risk now of an amnio.  I want to be prepared. I think it's fair to take that risk having been given those odds.  So because of that knowledge, they set me up on Hepprin, a blood thinner they could shut off, reverse and still be able to give me an amnio.  Again, the timing was perfect in that regard. Had I come in earlier in the day or even the day prior considering the pain I was in, they would have put me on shots and sent me home, a blood thinner harder to reverse and more risky to do the amnio having been on them.  The Lord had prepared the way...  The night prior to all of this, I had been given a Priestood Blessing.  It just so happened my mother in law hitched a ride with a friend so she could be in Utah this week.  It just so happened she was with me on the day this all took place and was planning to spend the night with us anyway.  She was able to be there and care for the kids and I didn't have to worry about that. The timing of the results allowed me to get the amnio without the blood thinners causing a problem or from preventing me of getting that test. And the miracles continue. Today, I had the amnio. The fear of the doctor doing it was where would my placenta be? Would she have to go through it? And would the bleeding be a problem for me or the baby? I wasn't the ideal patient having been on blood thinners for two days. The amnio went perfect, the baby stayed completely out of the way, the placenta was exterior meaning she could avoid going through it, and she found a good pocket of fluid to draw from.  There was no bleeding by me, so she was able to get good clear fluid and I didn't have a bleeding issue to deal with.  In all of this stress and fear, I have felt nothing but peace within my heart. I don't know the results, and it's scary, but I can't get over the amount of peace. I didn't feel that peace when the results were given to me, but in the moments following it, I feel it in a way that is unbelievable to me. I'm a crier. I don't handle things like this well. I have cried, don't get me wrong, but even in those moments, I have felt amazing peace. I haven't felt scared like I did when I hung up the phone.  In that moment I cried out to the Lord to please be with me, it came immediately and hasn't left. I am not afraid, I have seen the Lords hand and know it's there more now than ever. I know He knows what I can handle. He knows what I can't. He has made the last few days go miraculously smooth for me, that I know for sure!  So today, I sit here having made a few hurdles and still have a few to face, but I know I'll get through them.  I have been blessed with the big miracles and even small ones.  Sky was out of school this week and Jett is out of school next week. Makes things less hectic at home to manage.  My Mother in Law is willing to stay and just fly home so she can care for the kids so I don't have to shuffle them from house to house while I'm in the hospital.  It's crazy how well, things are working out. I know that whatever the outcome of this amnio, it will still be the perfect ending to my family. I have realized that it may not be my perfect idea but it may be the Lords perfect plan, in which I"m more than willing to take part in.